Letter to my heart

on your special day

How are you dear heart? I feel that we are a bit out of touch these days, don’t you? Used to be that you were always feeling things very strongly and wanting me to know about your feelings immediately. I remember in the early days ,oh when we were about 10 or so, you used to get very upset about poverty and injustice. You used to ache so much whenever you heard or read about people starving. You made me do research into poverty and its causes and you were horrified when I found out that in fact we have enough food to feed everyone in the world. Just that some people live in countries where they have limited access or are denied access. I tried to understand why any government would destroy crops and food in times of abundance, instead of sending it to the places where people were seriously malnourished ad struggling to get by on a handful of rice. Just so that prices would not fall. I couldn’t understand why it was more important for wallets to be full rather then stomachs? You were very unhappy and sent me on a journey from Singapore to London, Copenhagen and finally New York in efforts to change things. At first I thought that you would be happy if I worked in theatre. You lifted and expanded and burst into song whenever I worked on a new play or creation. But even though you were full of zest, the rest of me had a hard time. My stomach protested at the careful skimming, my body wanted a nicer warmer apartment and so we decided on a compromise.

I now work for a community based organization in the not for profit world and you are satisfied by the feeling of doing good and helping others. The sense of a larger purpose seems to be fulfilling for you. And the disappointment you felt when I got divorced has faded. You’ve bounced back and even allowed yourself to be open to new romance. It took a while because I had convinced myself that I did not need love and that I was happy with friends and career. But you ignored me and let love back in. Thank you for bouncing back, for being so big and forgiving and leading me to a happy new life.

Sujatha